Jesus died to redeem your entire life. Embrace His transforming work in your marriage.
After watching my parents’ marriage disintegrate and living with the never-ending effects of divorce, I decided I never wanted to marry. God had a different plan for me. He brought Stephen into my life, and together they spent three and a half years convincing me to marry—while I begged and dared God to show me how a marriage could actually work, without the two parties involved killing, or maiming each other.
And boy, did I bring baggage to my marriage! (My husband and I both did) Everything from wounds from childhood trauma, to bad habits, stupid ideas, and blatant ignorance. You name it, we’ve probably faced it.
If God has ever taken Valium, needed a coffee break, or even briefly considered retirement, I am probably the reason. I am relentless. I will not leave Him alone about growing me spiritually, changing the way I think, behave, and handle my portion of my marriage. I’m worse than the kid who asks Why? I must also know How?, When?, and What exactly does that look like?
My favorite verse is Isaiah 1:18-19. Whoops, that’s two. Shellie’s paraphrase is "God will talk to me about anything—my sin, my confusion, my ignorance—when I approach Him with a willingness to change and be obedient in the future." I love knowing God isn’t offended by my questions, that He’s ready and willing to answer them.
Anyway, I love having the opportunity to share with you. If something here blesses you, pass it along to your friends and please let me know!
I hate cooking and I’m a techno-phobe. My husband is fairly certain I emit an electro-magnetic energy field that causes electronics to malfunction when I’m nearby (yes, there are several examples of this).
I don’t drink coffee. I prefer dark chocolate. I despise carrot juice, but drink it almost daily. If it weren’t for smoothies, I would probably never ingest spinach or other green vegetables except green beans.
I love watching the Tour de France, Grand Slam tennis tournaments, and football. I also love watching both the summer and winter Olympics, and I always cry when they end.
My bucket list includes attending the French Open in Paris, visiting the Louvre, and sightseeing throughout France.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Are you a counselor? A therapist or clinician?
A: No, I am not. I simply want to share what I’ve learned.
Q: Why do you want to share what you’ve learned?
A: After experiencing divorce from the kid’s side, I wanted to help families avoid that pain. After thirty-five years of marriage, I recognize sometimes the solutions to problems aren't quick and easy. Learning how to work with God is crucial, but it's a skill that isn't often taught.
I want to offer husbands and wives the "how to" of loving through conflict and navigating tough marital issues. That's the purpose of Your Marriage Resources. In addition, I want to equip future generations for marriage if God calls them to it. That's the purpose of Kaleidoscope books.
Q: Everything you share about marriage—did you know it all when you got married?
A: (Laughing) No … my husband and I both brought tremendous baggage to our marriage, baggage neither of us recognized or knew what to do with.
Q: Do you really believe there’s hope for any marriage?
A: Yes! I really do believe that. Certainly, every person makes his/her own decisions. But if both parties listen to God, there’s no reason healing, redemption, and restoration can’t take place.
Q: What if I want to work on my marriage but my spouse doesn’t?
A: Investments in your relationship with God and your marriage are never wasted. Think about it this way: If you work on your marriage and your spouse begins to do the same, your marriage will indeed get stronger and healthier—but one of you must start. Why not you? Or, if you work on your marriage and your spouse chooses to end the marriage, you will have achieved two things: 1) You will know you did everything possible to heal the relationship, and 2) You will have demonstrated a living testimony (to your children, family, and friends) of how to love someone who chooses not to love you back—which is just like God. He loves many who don’t love Him back.